Finally
by Lelilah
Summary: She is the only person he can trust and finally he lets her know it. And it becomes harder and harder to her to act like a Jedi. Oneshot.


_Pairing:_ Carth/femaleRevan (named Tricay in this one)

_Summary_: She is the only person he can trust and finally he lets her know it. And it becomes harder and harder to her to act like a Jedi.

_Disclaimer_: I would most certainly want to own everything. But I still don't, so I just borrow them without making any money out of this. And these ones I borrow from LucasArts.

_A/N_: You can really just flatten me. My English sucks 'cause it's not my native language and this story might suck, 'cause this is my first fanfic. I don't know, I'm not the one to criticize this, so just read and review please!

**Finally**

What they were seeing was so cruel, they saw what it was like under the shining surface, they saw the real being of the universe. Those things were so heartbreaking to watch, even though none of them showed their feelings, no one of them ever start to cry when saw a Sith hurt a child.

Every one of them had somehow a dark past, things they wanted to forget but they couldn't, and this journey was just creating more pain. Not because of just watching all that horror, but making it themselves, being a part of that destroying power, being a part of the war. With every death they caused, they knew that there would never be that kind of past they'd want to remember, never any happy memories.

But they had each other, carrying each other's pain and helping out of distress. Within every little sentence they tried to lighten each other's pain. It was the only thing kept them standing, the only thing they lived for.

And that was just a one of their usual little conversations. Though it sounded like an argument, it was far from it. It was comforting, joking. Those conversations made everything seem fancy. Sometimes it turned almost flirting. That was the time it did.

Mission was still looking around in the armor shop. She didn't hurry and kept talking with the owner, who friendly told her everything about the products, compared them to the other ones and told his own opinions, so shopping would be as easy as possible to Mission. Of course there was another reason to her why she didn't hurry. That reason was her two friends waiting for her outside, arguing jokingly as always. She didn't want to interrupt them and hoped that conversation would finally end as she had secretly planned. So she focused on the armors again and continued acting like a difficult customer.

"Carth, please stop calling me that," she demanded.

"Why? Well, how should I call you then?"

"How about my name?"

"Nah, strangers call you by your name. I don't really feel like stranger to you, do I? How about 'beautiful'? 'Gorgeous'?"

Tricay raised her eyebrows. What was he doing? She really didn't know about herself when she answered,

"Mm, I could take the last one."

Now it was Carth's turn to look surprised. "Okay then, gorgeous," he grinned. "I really mean it, you know. I really think you are," he said in more serious tone. "And I want to thank you, for keeping me sane."

"You're welcome. And it's really nothing, because everyone of us does that all the time. You are doing it all the time to me too. I've never been through anything like this and this terrifies me and – "

She felt Carth's hand on her shoulder, comforting. She looked up to his brown puppy eyes and suddenly felt something that Jedi shouldn't feel. The whole conversation has turned upside down. But she pulled herself together as she continued.

"I know you can't trust anyone. I understand. Okay, maybe I don't completely understand, but I accept it and I know there aren't any things you do without a reason. So it's okay. And maybe I'm not a right person to trust, because I really don't know what I've done in my past. Maybe it's like that I've told everybody. Maybe I was a smuggler. Well, I accept it then. Maybe I was something greater, maybe I was a princess? Er, I don't think so, but it was for example. But what about it's something I don't even wanna know? What about it's something that makes you and all the rest hate me?"

"Nothing could make me hate you, Tricay."

"You don't know it. That's what you say now, but you know that once that situation comes real, you really can't choose how you feel. And to me... once that comes real... I really have nothing right now, you know. But at least I control myself, I know what I am _right_ _now_. But once it happens that I'll know everything and that'll be the worst, that nothing falls apart. The knowledge will fall all the control apart. Once I know I'm a monster or something."

If Carth had been a Jedi, he'd have sent her some kind of comforting emotional touch in the Force. But he wasn't, so the words were all he had. For now.

"As you said, you know what you are _right now_, and there's nothing more to worry about. Whatever you have been in the past you are no more. Right now you are the most wonderful Jedi I've met, yeah, _including Bastila_. You are the reason why I'm still standing here, both physically and mentally. And Tricay, I trust you."

"You _really_ trust me?"

"Yeah. Maybe I shouldn't because of your absent past, but maybe that's the reason I do. You honestly don't remember and even though it would be something terrible, you are not that anymore. I know I don't make any sense, because I can't put that into words. But it's your whole being and the fact that this is all you have, what are we doing now, not any shadows in the past that might cause troubles. You are loyal to this. To your resident life. That's why you are the only person I really can trust."

She was speechless. She wanted to say so many things, do so many – like _what_ she'd want to do excatly, she asked herself. At least not to stand there silent. So she did the last thing she should have done. She showed feelings that are not allowed to the Jedi. She wrapped her hands around him and rested her head on his chest. It took a moment for him to realize the situation but then he relaxed and just held her, forgetting everything else. The place, the time.

"Thank you," she whispered. She felt so confused, but still so right. It was like she would have been finally home.

Mission had stared the action for a while and now the smile spread on her face. _That's my girl_, she thought. The owner's voice woke her.

"Excuse me, Miss. I have here the standard military suit with a few little extras..." the owner explained until he noticed that the Twi'lek girl still didn't entirely listen him. He looked outside where the girl had been looking. "They are a great couple, I can see."

Now he got the Twi'lek's attention. She smiled. "Yeah, they are. Fortunately they finally noticed it. Unfortunately she's a Jedi. If I were, I wouldn't let it bother me, but once she thinks a little, I'm afraid she might regret it. She can be so irritatingly rational sometimes."

"I hope she doesn't regret."

"Yah, me too."

She was a Jedi, she knew it. But at the moment she couldn't have cared less.

_I love him._

But yet it wasn't the right time to tell him. Right now she knew who she was and wouldn't have wanted to be anyone else in the world.


End file.
